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  • Writer's pictureKate O'Sullivan

How I really was feeling

I wrote this post 10 days ago but didn’t feel strong enough to post it store the time.

Thankfully things are a bit better now but as promised with this blog I want to be open about how I am feeling/have felt so other PND sufferers can hopefully feel less alone.…

Last Friday my psychiatrist sent a referral to a private hospital for me to get more help with the depression - my partner took this very badly and got very worried and upset as he thought I was getting better. Hospital had always been a possibility if things got bad enough - whether one appointment, daily appointments or a longer stay. The benefits of the longer stay being the 100% break for me from my day to day life… no parenting, no dog minding, no household chores, no college work, no trying to keep it all together. A chance for me to spend that time solely on trying to recover - right now I am on the highest dose of two medications and at times I’m still struggling. The hospital will be able to manage the change/switching of medication onto something more effective which I believe may help lighten my mood.

Right now I don’t feel able to look after George on my own, I feel I have lost my identity, I feel like I am never going to have a bond with George nor am I ever going to enjoy life again. It’s exhausting - I am trying to get my life back with having some routine while I wait for my maternity leave to come to an end so I can return to work and feel some level of purpose again. That may sound terrible that looking after George isn’t a purpose because it is but mentally I need to be challenged and kept busy which is why I am now working on my thesis for my MBA when I have some spare time which I deferred from last summer (when I was pregnant and suffering with antenatal depression and anxiety).


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