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  • Writer's pictureKate O'Sullivan

Our relationship

By our relationship I mean mine and my partners. It has struggled massively as I’m sure all new parents relationships do (without post natal depression on top). For a while we were on what it felt like we were on different teams and we were competing against each other. It also felt like it was my partner and George versus me, I was the evil one not being besotted with George, I was the outsider.

One of the biggest strains is how long this has been going on, iv been feeling terrible whether it’s been anxiety or depression since the day I found out I was pregnant - almost 16 months ago. That’s a long time for him to watch me struggle, and constantly try to support me and cheer me up when I can’t stop crying.

Randomly at the same time our relationship was at breaking point in the pressure cooker that is parenthood topped with my post natal depression, we had to take part in a pre marriage course as we are getting married later this year. This was a game changer as the course covered communication, conflict management and more - and for my partner to hear an independent person say things iv been harping on about for years really made such a difference.

That said I find it very hard to explain to my partner how I feel. One of my therapists used a fairly extreme example to try and explain to my partner how I’m feeling - she said to ask him to name someone he hates, and ask him how he would feel if he had that person staying in his house every night and had to give them breakfast lunch and dinner. Now I don’t hate George I just don’t feel an emotional connection to him yet and I find it very difficult looking after him on my own especially when he is crying as I find this very irritating and triggering.

My partner can’t understand that and just last week I brought George home from a restaurant to feed him and put him to bed thinking my partner was following me and he didn’t arrive home until 3 hours later. I felt he left me in such a vulnerable position - to him it doesn’t bother him looking after George on his own so he can’t see how hard it is for me despite me using the above example to try and explain it.


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