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  • Writer's pictureKate O'Sullivan

Small steps - ups and downs

At the start the doctor kept saying “oh when he starts to smile it will make such a difference”…. I must be a hard nut to crack because it didn’t make any difference for me. Also they normally smile at 6 weeks-ish so add on another 8 weeks with him being premature.

Lately (he’s 8 months now or 6 corrected)… when I come into the room he looks to where my voice is and he is full of smiles for me and I can tell my partner doesn’t understand why. I guess he’s used to hearing my voice after 7 months in my tummy. And this is nice, now it doesn’t melt my heart or anything like that but it’s nice and hopefully a step in the right direction.

It was also my partners dads birthday lately and his mam sent us a photo of his dad and george in party hats. And for the very first time (June - he was born in October) I thought, ah he’s cute - before this I couldn’t even look at a photo of george. I had asked my mother in law not to send me pictures as it was making me feel more guilty.

That said I mentioned I have no patience in a previous post and this also applies to George when he is crying I have an overwhelming feeling of irritation and annoyance - I think why is he crying, he is fed and changed, why is he so helpless - he can’t do anything for himself. But you know maybe it’s just parenting I don’t like.

The other day I collected George after work and I looked back at him in the car and he looked sad and I started crying I felt so emotional and felt so sorry for him. Again hopefully this was the first of many movements in the right direction.


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